Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
NoShamevember. You game?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
