So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
