YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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