Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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