My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
