I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
