I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
