I just saw a hot homeless man
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
