Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
