be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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