I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
