I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
