my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
