I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
