My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
