rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
