Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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