I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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