if you like me you must not know who I am
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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