i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
