I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
