You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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