nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
