I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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