I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
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it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
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We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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