My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
