So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
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Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
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Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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