i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
