just survived the first fart of the relationship.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
