Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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