I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
