ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
