and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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