Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
