Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
