I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
