Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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