my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
