forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
