She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
