pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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