So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
