all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
