he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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