My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
