You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
