u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
