What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
