So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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