P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
