Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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