The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
