It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
