first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
