i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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