Where did you get a picture of my penis
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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