He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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