She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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