Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
