it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
