And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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