I cockslap morals
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
