Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
