D3 body, D1 cock
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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