FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he fucked my hip out of place.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
