yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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