where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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