I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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