it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
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i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
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Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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