I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This house was built for laser tag.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
