are you still at the devil's house?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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