I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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