I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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