My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize