fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
