How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
