like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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