what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
