Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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