i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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