first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
