i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
