We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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