i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize