Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize