Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
